


Condoms Are Important

by Zethsaire



Category: Dark Wolverine, Marvel (Comics), Wolverine (Comics), X-23 (Comic), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Babies, Dysfunctional Family, M/M, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2017-12-28 08:30:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/989910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zethsaire/pseuds/Zethsaire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is why you should really wear condoms, Daken.</p><p>(was once Tumblr prompts, reorganized and relabeled.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DangerousCommieSubversive](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DangerousCommieSubversive/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura calls Daken about a little...family problem they're having.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language, unsafe sex, Daken being Daken. 
> 
> For Commie.

“I’m a little busy right now, Laura. Why are you calling me?”

“Daken. Can’t you stop having sex to answer the phone?”

The woman underneath him gave a little grunt when he pushed in too fast, but he didn't care. “You should know better by now.”

There’s this annoyed little sigh on the other end. “This is important.”

“I’m almost done.”

“Ugh. Call me back.” She said in an irritated tone.

He tossed the phone over his shoulder and went back to his business. It didn’t take that long; the woman was rather uninspiring in bed, even if she was beautiful. He timed their orgasms because he could, because it didn’t take much more that a particularly strong burst of pheromones and then it was over. At least it was an orgasm.

When he was done he walked out and left her to clean herself up. He called Laura as he walked across the apartment, still naked. “So what was so important you needed to call while I was fucking?”

“Daken, you’re _always_ fucking.”

“True. Still. What do you want? It’s not your birthday, and it’s not the annual ‘please give dad a chance, he’s changed’ lecture. So what is it?”

“I have something here that might belong to you.”

There was a distinct sound of a baby squalling on the other end of the line. Laura could _not_ be implying what he thought she was. “What.”

“You heard me.”

“ _That_ isn’t mine.”

“Are you sure about that? Who exactly were you with right now? Were you careful?”

“I don’t need a safe sex talk from you, runt. Besides. I can’t catch anything.”

“Uh-huh. Well this isn’t something you can catch. This is more like something you leave behind.”

“Fuck. Are you _sure_ it’s mine?”

“Yours or dad’s. It sure isn’t _mine_.”

“Dad’s? Disgusting.”

“Daken. Just get here.”

“If you think I’m coming to that school-”

“I have an apartment. And just so you know, Dad’s coming too. Behave, or I’ll kick both your asses.”

Daken snarled. “Fine.”

xxx

Laura had a decent decorating sense, he had to give her that. She certainly didn’t get that from Logan. Just thinking about him like that made his claws itch. But he promised to behave, so he would behave. He liked Laura. At least enough not to wreck her place fighting.

He could hear it, and _smell_ it before he even got in the room. It smelled like them, in a way. Enough that he couldn’t outright say it wasn’t his, and that – disturbed him. He didn’t want a brat. What the hell would he do with it? But the thought of having _another_ sibling…his lip curled into a sneer.

Logan was there, not that he was surprised. He’d smelled him miles off. Laura was standing warily in the middle of the room, between Daken and Logan. She held up her free hand, before Logan could say anything. Daken deepened his sneer into a snarl, showing his teeth. He knew it was feral, and he couldn’t help it.

“I don’t want to hear it, from either of you. Someone needs to take this.”

“What makes you think it’s ours?” Logan said gruffly, his arms crossed in front of his chest.

Daken scowled more and dropped is own arms casually down by his sides, and his hands into his pockets. “Can’t you smell it? It’s obviously ours.”

“There are other options.”

“What, like Sabertooth? Does that thing smell like wet cat to you?”

Laura looked at Daken sharply. “She’s a _person_ , you know.”

“She’s not _my_ person.”

“Well she isn’t _my_ person. I am quite certain of that.” Laura said pointedly. “Besides all the obvious reasons, I’m careful.”

“Oh, I did not need to think about you having sex.”

“Right, because you have enough sex for all of us.”

“Don’t fight, kids.”

Both he and Laura snarled at Logan. The…baby started to wail. Three little claws appeared on its hands. So it _was_ family. Unfortunate. He wouldn’t have minded being wrong, at least this once. He ventured slightly closer and peered at it.

“So if we don’t know who’s it is…who’s going to take it home?”


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Daken finds out he has a baby, he is suddenly thrust into the role of responsible adult. Naturally, he looks for a way to pawn off the responsibility on someone else. Enter Johnny Storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daken/Johnny sap. And fluff and angst because this is why we can't have nice things Daken.

The last time Johnny had seen Daken, he'd thought the other man was dead. Not only had been Johnny been wrong about that, he'd been wrong about a whole lot of other things too, the largest among them being that he wasn't exactly as straight as he thought. Unless coming his brains out while receiving the best head he'd ever had counted as straight, but he really didn't think so.

So it was more than a surprise when he answered the door of the Baxter building (everyone else was out) and found a bedraggled Daken on the other side, carrying a ridiculous diaper bag on one hip and a flaming baby on the other. As in, the kid was on fire, literally. She was giggling, so clearly she didn't know there was anything wrong, and she'd burned quite an impressive hole in what were probably once designer clothes.

"Holy shit man, is that mine?"

"Yours? Why would it be - no. No you did not sleep with my sister."

"No, no of course not, bro." They both knew he was lying - he didn't do it very well.

"I hate you."

"So if she's not mine um. Why are you here?"

"She's not yours, she's mine. And I'm here because you just became her honorary uncle. Congratulations." Daken handed the baby to him so he'd either have to take her or let her fall, dropped the diaper bag to the floor, and stalked off towards Johnny's room without another word.

"Dude, aren't you at least going to tell me her name?"

Daken didn't even look back at him. "It's 'Moeko.'" He slammed the door as hard as he could, leaving Johnny holding a kid he was trying really hard not to believe was his.

xxx

"For the last time, Johnny, I didn't have a secret baby and pawn it off on my brother!"

"Are you sure? Because she's like...got my eyes and everything."

"Baby's eyes change color after they're born Johnny. Don't you have a niece and nephew? And don't you think people would notice I'd been pregnant for the last nine months?"

"Well. Dogs gestate for less so -"

"Oh my god. You and Daken deserve each other." She hung up on him.

"Did you just call my sister a dog?" Daken's voice came from behind him, soft and deadly.

"Um."

"Was she angry?"

"She hung up on me."

"Excellent." Daken broke out into a grin, and then proceed to raid the fridge for left overs.

"Dude, aren't you going to take your kid?" Her little flames were sort of adorable, but her claws were sharp, even as short as they were.

"No way. I've been holding her since yesterday; my burns aren't even healed yet. You're the uncle, you hold her. Or, you know, put her in the carpet. I don't care if she burns your house down."

"Doesn't she ever stop? That can't be healthy."

"Usually she just does it when she's pissed at me. But she's been on fire for the last three days. I can't take it any more."

Johnny frowned, bouncing the baby up and down on his knee. She was adorable, that's for sure, and she seemed happy enough. As a test, he ignited his entire body. She squealed in delight, and after holding the flames for a moment, he let the fire die. She babbled something at him, and then with a _whoosh_ , no more flaming baby. She was asleep in seconds.

"Yep. I hate you."

xxx

It hadn't been that long since Valeria needed a crib, and as a bonus it was fireproof and made of mostly adamantium. (The advantages of a super human household.) Johnny got her put to bed and had enough time to go into his room to try to find a new shirt before Daken pounced on him. The other man was insistent, his hands and tongue everywhere, and Johnny was swamped with pheromones.

"Ah. Daken, maybe -"

"I haven't gotten laid in three weeks. Shut up and fuck me."

Well. When he put it that way.

It was hot and rough and just the way Johnny liked it. He was used to having a woman underneath him instead of a man, but Daken was more than eager and Johnny discovered that anal sex really wasn't that different between the two, except that between Daken's experience, pheromones and healing factor, the sex was fucking _amazing_.

Daken laid next to him afterwords, which Johnny hadn't expected, gorgeous and only slightly sweaty. Of course, his mouth ruined it, like it did most things.

“So are we a thing? I mean, fucking and raising a kid together?”

Daken froze, all his muscles tensing at once. Fuck.

“I am not a _thing_.”

“Dude, that's so not what I meant. I just meant that I – I mean...I wouldn't be opposed to it.”

“I'm hardly ever here; we're barely friends. You don't even really _know_ me,” Daken snarled.

“So let me.”

“I'm not a good person.”

“I'm not a good person, either.”

“I kill people, Johnny.”

Johnny hesitated. “Okay, so I'm not gonna lie, I don't really like that. But – I mean. Why did you take Moeko, if you aren't trying to change?”

“I don't know!” Daken stood, and paced around in his briefs. Johnny tried to stay focused on the matter at hand instead of his ass, but he was really only partially successful. No one ever accused him of being mature.

“I just don't want her to -” He stopped and stared out the window, his jaw setting angrily, and didn't finish his sentence.

Johnny tried to gauge his mood, and decided to shift on the bed slightly, so he looked like he was paying attention, but not to go over and try to offer comfort. Daken would probably stab him, with the mood he was in. Half the battle with Daken was figuring out his mood swings, though he'd never say that out loud. He wasn't _that_ dumb.

“I can be a better father than _he_ was,” he spat.

“...you know, that's not a _bad_ goal.”

Daken snarled. “What the hell do I know about being a father?! I can't even stand her half the time. I should have just let Laura take her.”

“You're not _that_ bad.” It sounded weak, even to him.

“Don't patronize me.”

“I'm sorry. I just – You don't have to do this alone, you know? I'll help you.”

And because life hated him, that's when Moeko started crying. “I guess I'll go get her.”

Daken let out a long suffering sigh. “I'll do it.”

xxx

Daken was in the living room bouncing Moeko around tiredly, in hopes that that would actually help her sleep. Johnny was in the kitchen getting a snack, because he was always ravenous after good sex. Both of them were barely dressed; Johnny in sleep pants that were really only staying on because he was still sporting a halfie, and Daken in his seriously inappropriately tight briefs. They weren't really thinking ahead, because when the door opened and Sue, Reed and the kids both walked in, they were both completely caught off guard. Johnny put the spoon and the jar of peanut butter down, and Daken looked like he was considering killing someone; probably Johnny.

“What the – Johnny!!” Sue starts swearing at him in a variety of languages that she is clearly hoping Valeria doesn't know, while Reed looks between the two of them before sighing, and taking the kids off to the lab to keep out of the way.

“So um. Remember how you promised to not judge my girlfriends for at least the first week?” Johnny says weakly.

“Yes.” Sue has an irritated edge to her tone, and motions for him to get to the point.

“So...this is my girlfriend, Daken.”

Daken scowls, and smacks him upside the head. “It's _boyfriend_ , you complete asshole.”

Moeko giggles, and catches on fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to anyone who had comments deleted during the reorganizing!! Your comments were wonderful and I loved them!


End file.
